A Dark Conspiracy Theory

Eric • 31st Aug 2006 • Uncategorized

Sometimes, you read things & they seem all too convenient. Need an example? Watch anything by Michael Moore. But, my friends, I figured out this one myself:

The Theory
Masterfoods USA, who owns the M&M’s brand, was behind the August, 2004 robbery of “The Scream”.

The Proof
Follow me, if you will….
August, 2006 – Laura, my dear wife, in an attempt to keep me sane, buys a large bag of dark M&M’s (completely unrelated to the whole story, I just wanted to share this fact with you).

Just days later, I read on CNN (a reliable news source), “The lighter side of dark M&M’s: Mars focuses on fun as it adds dark chocolate to its permanent M&M’s collection.” Why am I reading this? I don’t know… it relates to my stock portfolio somehow. Anyways… since CNN likes removing articles, I quote:

M&M’s is offering 2 million dark chocolate M&M’s for the return of “The Scream,” a painting by Edvard Munch that was stolen from the Munch Museum in Oslo, Norway, in 2004.

Fast-forward (one “bloop” on your Tivo, ’cause we’re not going too far) two days later when “Munch’s stolen “The Scream” recovered by police“. Wow – talk about free press! And Mars has to give away what, 2 million M&M’s? After spending too much time researching, I still have no idea how many bags that is, but it can’t cost them too much money.

Did Mars / M&M’s / Masterfoods USA have advanced knowledge of this series of events? If so, how did they gain such knowledge? They must have either known the location of “The Scream” and tipped off the police, or there’s a mole within the Oslo police.

Just in case M&M’s denies any of this happened, here’s a copy of their specially created webpage:
They did a good job hiding the fine print. Good thing for Photoshop:

M&M’s brand is offering a reward of 2 million M&M’s Dark Chocolate Candies for the return of The Scream painting to the Munch Museum as authenticated to be in its original, undamaged condition.

Case closed.